“A single person is missing for you, and the whole world is empty.” ― Joan Didion, The Year of Magical Thinking
Life, unavoidably, involves loss. The death of a loved one. The decline of one’s health. Estrangement from family. Financial losses. Military deployments. Being laid off from a job. The death of a pet. Loss is the great equalizer, and no one is immune to its reach. The shock and pain of loss can involve waves of feelings and sensations that seem outside of our control.
Grief is the natural emotional response to a loss. It involves experiencing intense feelings, many of them overwhelming and complex. For some people, grief may last six months, a year, or significantly longer. For some, grieving is a lifelong process. The particularity of grief is important to highlight; the experience is different for everyone, and there are many healthy ways to grieve. Grief can manifest in many ways beyond sadness.
Common Signs of Grief
- Shock, disbelief and denial that the loss has occurred or will occur
- Sadness, despair and loneliness
- Anger and resentment
- Regret, guilt and shame
- Anxiety, helplessness, insecurity and fear
- Depression, numbness and feelings of emptiness
Grief may also manifest physically as:
- Fatigue
- Nausea or loss of appetite
- Pains and aches
- Heart palpitations
- Headaches
- Insomnia
- Difficulty concentrating
- Frequent episodes of crying
- Feeling faint or lightheaded
- Significant weight loss or gain
Mental health experts emphasize that experiencing some or many of these symptoms while grieving is healthy. If someone experiences them intensely, or for a long period of time, grief counseling techniques or grief therapy may be helpful.
Grief Amid a Pandemic
Many people are experiencing grief as a result of the pandemic. Some have sustained multiple losses–death and illness in families and communities, disconnection from things that previously brought joy, or connection with family and friends. Self-care and coping techniques may be challenging to adopt during a time like this, but they are vitally important. We need to accept that each of us has our own personal ceiling of productivity, positivity, and fortitude. Sometimes, especially during this pandemic, we need to allow ourselves the space to take a step back and not be as productive as when we aren’t living through a crisis.
Grief Therapy
Many people who are grieving need to talk with another person. Speaking with a therapist can offer healing and consolation to the person grieving. Clients can explore the many facets of their grieving process, discussing contradictory feelings, guilt, anger, and regret. They can also process the loss by sharing memories and reminiscing and gaining skills to cope with and honor the loss even while moving forward in life.
Therapists can also act as companions for grieving clients. Companioning involves actively and supportively listening to a client’s concerns and validating the grieving person’s emotional reactions as natural. Companioning also involves helping grieving clients organize and prioritize day-to-day tasks and establish new routines.
Grief therapy can provide a safe space to explore the struggles inherent to loss, with the support and understanding of a professional.